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Tuesday, May 31, 2011
My heart is beating so fast now as if I have just ran a marathon. I can feel it thumping hard against my chest. Maybe its the steriods that I am using as my medication now. You think I don't care. You said words that hurts me. I am worried. My heartbeat is not normal. I know because I went to see the chinese doctor a few weeks back and he had measured my heartbeat rate. Thump. Thump. Thump. 120 beats to 90 plus beats to 80 plus beats back to 100 plus beats. Let me tell you something surprising. Not once I have seen him its normal and I wasn't even eating steriods at that time. Now I stopped seeing him and I am eating steriods again. I do care. Others blame me for my condition. You think bathing early and eating right will help? You think I have something mild like the flu? I may appear to be indifferent. I may not show on the surface. But let me tell you again. The doctors, not one, not two, but every doctors I have seen said my condition is not curable. My condition is a chronic disease. You know what it means? Go look up on the dictionary if you don't know. Stop blaming me. You don't think I know I am suffering? You don't think I wish this would stop? Let me tell you once and for all. You blame me. So who do I get to blame huh? My parents? My family? My genetics? Oh nonono! I should blame myself right? I should blame myself because I don't bath early, I don't eat right, I don't watch my personal hygenience. But do you know why I don't bathe early? How do you know I don't eat right? I delay my bathing time because everytime I get into the fcuking water, I hurt like hell. If my condition flares up , no matter- I tell you NO MATTER- what I eat, it wouldn't helps. You don't try to understand the reasons behind. You saw the results and you automatically thinks it's my fault. It's like blaming someone who gets cancer even though he/she never drinks, never smokes and have a normal lifestyle. So let me say it again. Stop putting the blame on me because no one, not you, not even my parents, understands how I feel. I care and I thank you all for the concern but it's enough. Because I cannot stand it anymore. One more, just one more blow, I swear I will... ...Believe me you don't want to know what I am about to say. Let me keep this as a surprise... Because when it comes, you will know... You can help me fill this in then. |
Jia Min♥ " nineteen this year, borned on the fifth day of november, loves being a scorpio, family,friends and money are everything to her graduated from TPJC and BGSS, was a member of TPJCSW band and BG band, ,loves her tuba and her section, is waiting her whole life for HIM to appear..." cbox Afifah.| Akbar.| Asyraf. | Cassini.| Celeste.| Chiou Looi. | Dawn.| Faiq.| Fazwin. | Felicia.| Jing Yin.| Jocelyn. | Joo Yee.| Jovey.| Jun Ting. | Juzantri.| Li Ting.| Louis Jie. | Mabel.| Maslinda.| Michelle Tan. | Ming Han.| Pei Hsia.| Philo.| Po Han.| Sheau Yun.| Shafiq.| Sheril.| Shermaine.| Shilah.| Si Ting.| Syafiqah.| Vivienne.| Wanning.| Wei Ting.| Xiu Zhen.|Ying Siew Darlinn.| Yao Ming.| Zaid.| Zheng Yuan. December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 April 2006 June 2006 July 2006 October 2006 February 2007 May 2007 June 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 March 2010 April 2011 May 2011 get into local U Mr Right treatment for hair better skin become thinner lip gloss More Free Music at MP3-Codes.com Designer : Chili. x o x o |